Adam and Eve: God was a terrible Parent

   I think such a bold statement requires a bit of introduction so without further adieu here is “Adam and Eve” for dummies. I’ll then relate it with modern day and why I feel that God was a terrible parent.

  For whatever reasons, God created man from dust (or whatever silicone based material you fancy) and then made a fancy garden. After this God created a whole bunch of animals, if it was badass and fun to be around the garden had it. However none of these animals made a good friend for Adam, not even the cute Siberian puppies :(. Well God decided “Hey I got a great idea!” and knocked Adam out yanking out of Adam’s body one of his ribs (It was that one that the other ribs hated). From that rib God created the smoking hot Eve and set the two out into the garden to get with the multiplying and being fruitful. Now the rules were simple. “Alright you two. You can eat absolutely ANYTHING in the garden as long as you don’t eat from the garden of Good and Evil.” The two agreed and gleefully went around having fun. Indeed they were essentially utterly innocent (read: Gullible) adults.

  Now, as you would expect, a Serpent either got into the garden or was made when God was going SimAnimals all over. That slick little bastard went up to Eve and slyly tricked her into eating from the tree of Good and Evil. Essentially the conversation went something like this: “Hey you should eat some of that fruit.” “But dad said we can’t eat from the Tree of Good and Evil.” “Well yeah I know but that isn’t the tree, its just like, a similar one.” “Oh coolio! *munches*”. At this point she chucks one over to Adam who is likewise interested. “Hey this is good fruit right?” “Yes. It’s safe.” So he gobbles it down and now the two can see evil, hate their bodies, and God pops in and kicks their asses out. Also God forces women to have painful childbirth, just to make sure the message hits home.

  So for those confused on my point lets look at a modern example. You have a child, and you tell the child to not touch boiling pots. However you likewise do not tell the child exactly what a boiling pot looks like, you just say “all other pots are fine.” Now, you have no other job besides taking care of this child, however you leave a boiling pot on the stove and you go off to do whatever you are doing.

  Now the neighbor is an asshole and he comes in and tells your young child that they should touch the boiling pot on the stove in the following manner: “Hey little Adam you should touch that shiny pot right there. Your parent said it was ok to touch pots.” “But isn’t that the boiling pot?” “Oh of course not silly. The boiling one is…ugh…over there.” To which your child yanks down the pot horrible scalding them across there entire body. Now you return to find your child scalded, would you then punish your child with child birth pains and life outside of your home, or would you punish the neighbor for fucking with your kid OR would you punish yourself for not paying attention to your only child?

  This is not to say some ridiculously negligent creator doesn’t exist. But I would argue that if a deity like this cannot take care of two people, how on Earth do millions (if not Billions) of people honestly feel that this being is able to keep up with the everyday events of their life? Freedom of thought and action has nothing to do with proper protective care. This was nothing more than negligence that, given the powers of the parent involved, seriously requires involvement of some sort of inter existence court.

  Just seems like a pretty poor case to punish all further generations for. It’s certainly been a problem I’ve had with the entire story for a while.

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